return my video game
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Randomize
