it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
