he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
