I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
