I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
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Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
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My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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