Do vagina's smell?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
