I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
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found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
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I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
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