Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
