i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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