I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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