Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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