Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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