if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Randomize
