In America we eat man semen.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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