What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
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