Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
