just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
