Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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