A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
