Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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