I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
