My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Randomize
