He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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