we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
