hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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