Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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