My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
