I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
