cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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