bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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