I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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