The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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