Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
23 Strangest Things That Gave Dudes A Boner
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
These 21 People Shouldn’t Be Giving Dating Advice
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.