"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
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martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
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I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast