Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life