I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.