Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
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does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.