Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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