I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?