You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.