i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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