wat bout pragnant strippers??
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
