i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
