I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
my shit smells like andre
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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