And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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