but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
