is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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