I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
