When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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