I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize