you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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