We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
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stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
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DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
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