arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
