This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
