I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Randomize
