hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
