they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
