i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
