dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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