why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
