Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
