you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
