Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
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She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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