There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
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He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
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Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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