On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Farmville is her only friend.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Randomize
