This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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