The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
