I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
