dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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