Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
