She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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