whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
