dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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