Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
