Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
