You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I am in a vortex of obligation.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
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dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
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I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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