FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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