You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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