I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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