Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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